My juniors are busy right now, trying to organise a farewell function for my batch, and I feel a lump forming in my throat. I mean, four years just went like that. I still remember that day, 5th of September 2002, when I first entered this campus, as a student. I barely knew a soul, and was nervous. Would I fit in, would I be able to handle the pressure? My head was aching with questions, questions whose answers I would find in the course of my stay here.
I really shouldn’t have worried about finding friends; I found so many, I still am counting my blessings. As regards handling the pressure, well, I could say I did manage to do a fair job, with a few bumps here and there, but nevertheless a fair job. And now its time to leave, to somehow start evaluating these four years, and this is the most difficult and the most tortuous of tasks someone can take on himself. Mind you, no matter how stressful this task may be, it is something enjoyable as well, because when one pauses to turn the pages of Time, memories rush anew and flood the eyes with tears. Tears of joy, for having had the opportunity to live in those times, in that way. Tears of sorrow, of not having lived more freely, of not having enjoyed oneself more fully. Tears of guilt, of not having befriended more people, of not having tried to know more about one’s acquaintances. Whatever the emotion, it just flows out.
Long ago, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, not in public, not even when I am absolutely grief-stricken. Maybe, I will keep my promise this time as well. Maybe I won’t. Because really, I am confounded as to how I should approach this day. On one hand, I should feel happy I am leaving college. For all that I may feel, I really was fed up of the college, its bureaucratic attitude to everything, and its miserly nature, as far as student activities were concerned. Sure, there were some good times, but once you lose the camaraderie you share with an organisation, no matter what happens, it can never be regained. But on the other side, I also feel grief is a more apt emotion, as I will be leaving a place where I spent four of the most eventful, and no matter what I may say, most definitive years of my life so far. Here is where I made friendships, friendships, I hope and pray, I can sustain for life. There is the sadness of leaving one’s friends, of the last stand of a fraternity that stood through thick and thin, who were not just friends, but more than that; at times guides, at times, philosophers, at times, patient and understanding ears to our laments, and at times, swift rebuking voices. There is the anxiety of the experiences awaiting me when I finally wear the black robe. Am I sufficiently prepared for the challenges that lie ahead? And then there is the excitement of finally being able to take one’s decisions for oneself. Not that one blames or faults one’s parents, but then it is an exciting feeling to be identified as Mr. So and so, or Ms. So and so, and not just Mr. So and so’s son or daughter.
This isn’t intended to be my farewell speech. I am not much for emotional speeches. So, this may just stay on my blog. Where my friends can come and see and laugh at the follies of this fool, maybe for the last time. Where friends can come and remember that they knew this man, this oh-so-common man.
8 comments:
The common man is the most powerful.
Lilred: Actually I will be graduating in June, so am feeling pre-graduation nostalgia pangs. Thanks for understanding and for stating that you understood.
You've somehow brought back that sinking feeling that I've been dodging for sometime now.
For the first time in my life, there was a place where I was as comfortable as my home, or rather more than home itself.
I entered SIES knowing not more than 5 people. It feels great to have relations built over time not just with batchmates but also with juniors, faculty and most importantly non teachin staff..
Arvind, Upadhyay sir, Sachin... I mean, these guys have been so much there with us.
As I look back, the relations esp. with juniors give special satisfaction. To be greeting a large cross section of people on my way up to class has become one of the most definitve experiences of these four years.
Over time, with ups and downs, we've emerged a little more mature, stronger beings. Cheers to that...
Suddenly, a thought flashes in my mind - if relations are a measure these four years, we've done well, rather very well. Its something like a phase of our lives that got us along with this set of people for only so long. Its tiem well spent. Its time to move on.
There's an entire world waiting outside; Waiting for you to build these same bridges of friendship. One of the reasons people call college life to be the best phase is because we make maximum friends here.
I feel people stop making friends once they're outside. Whether they do it because they felt the best phase is over or the best phase ends because they stop making friends, I really don't know.
I'll put it this way - Lets make a promise to ourselves to improve ourselves each day, make new friends, treasure old ones, look ahead in life with hope than behind with the grief of moving forward.
I never thought I'd put so much philosophy in public domain ever in my life. But here I am doing it. Probably, that's what they call the Four-year transform (ouch! lol..)
I feel so much better. Don't you?
Neeraj Jain
You've somehow brought back that sinking feeling that I've been dodging for sometime now.
For the first time in my life, there was a place where I was as comfortable as my home, or rather more than home itself.
I entered SIES knowing not more than 5 people. It feels great to have relations built over time not just with batchmates but also with juniors, faculty and most importantly non teachin staff..
Arvind, Upadhyay sir, Sachin... I mean, these guys have been so much there with us.
As I look back, the relations esp. with juniors give special satisfaction. To be greeting a large cross section of people on my way up to class has become one of the most definitve experiences of these four years.
Over time, with ups and downs, we've emerged a little more mature, stronger beings. Cheers to that...
Suddenly, a thought flashes in my mind - if relations are a measure these four years, we've done well, rather very well. Its something like a phase of our lives that got us along with this set of people for only so long. Its tiem well spent. Its time to move on.
There's an entire world waiting outside; Waiting for you to build these same bridges of friendship. One of the reasons people call college life to be the best phase is because we make maximum friends here.
I feel people stop making friends once they're outside. Whether they do it because they felt the best phase is over or the best phase ends because they stop making friends, I really don't know.
I'll put it this way - Lets make a promise to ourselves to improve ourselves each day, make new friends, treasure old ones, look ahead in life with hope than behind with the grief of moving forward.
I never thought I'd put so much philosophy in public domain ever in my life. But here I am doing it. Probably, that's what they call the Four-year transform (ouch! lol..)
I feel so much better. Don't you?
Neeraj Jain
Neeraj: Where am I going to find a friend like you? I agree completely with you.
Very well said man.I mean the last 4 years have really been one of the best years of my short life.I'm sure most of us will agree with it.I can never forget the times I've spent in class,with friends,during the festivals,during the matches.Just as you said,I can never forget the time I've spent with the juniors,my classmates,friends form other classes,the teachers etc.No matter how much we criticize the college,the management,one thing is for sure,I have really enjoyed the last 4 years in college.The last few years have just flown by in a jiffy.I know life has to move on,new friends have to be made,but I don't know if I will ever have the same kind of fun at work or during PG.Thanks a lot for sharing your views with ur friends.
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