It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday!

I wrote last week about my feelings regarding leaving college. But on the day itself, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to control my emotions. When after the whole function was over, when the whole bunch had danced to their hearts’ delight, when perhaps for the last time, we had a blast, and I feel downcast. When people came up to each other, and hugged, shook hands, and wished each other all the luck in the world, I cried, maybe not overtly, but my heart wept.

The French say, ‘Partir c’est mourir un peu’. To leave is to die a little. A day after the farewell, I am coming to realize what they mean. All night long, I tossed and turned, remembering the good days, when we all laughed and played pranks together, when we would raid each other’s lunchboxes and yet manage to have a decent lunch for oneself, when we would sit and furiously copy out journals and assignments, when we would give each other the glorious kick on the backside on our birthdays, when we would loot the hapless birthday boy of his monies by way of treats, when we would wish each other at midnight on our birthdays, just to be the first one to wish the chap/lass. And now, as I write this, I cry. I mean, where will I get these days again? These friends, these buddies, the people with whom I would fight, but also play around with. Friends with whom I flirted, and who flirted with me. Friends who tortured me, and who suffered my tortures silently.

I know this isn’t the end. We still have nearly two months before it all ends. But this is the beginning of the end. And that is a heart-wrenching feeling. One that tears the heart asunder, one that leaves one filled with a strange emptiness, a void that has no end, no limit. Maybe I am the sentimental type, maybe I always was the eternal romantic, but today, I just wish I had a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could cry more openly. Because I can cry but now, and hold my tears hereafter.