And your name is...?

Yet another state has admitted itself into the infamous club of states of the Indian Union that have renamed either streets, or entire cities, obliterating any evidence that these cities or these streets ever had borne the mark of foreign conquerors. Only this time, the target of the campaign is not a bunch of roads, or even a city for that matter. Hell no, this time, we go for the big one. The Government of Assam (uptil now) has decided to rename the entire STATE as Asom.
How wonderful! Now, we must round our vowels whenever we refer to the Assamese, oh sorry, the Asomese. Congratulations to those who are behind this campaign, for their long and ardous penance, one that has lasted nearly 26 years, has finally borne fruit in this epic rejection of the corruption that the conquistadors brought into their lives. I still wonder, why retain other names which bear this hated lineage? Let’s go on a renaming spree anew. Delhi can become Dilli, or even better Indraprastha. Kanpur can become Karnavati, the possibilities are endless. West Bengal can finally become Paschim Bangal. Pondicherry can officially change its name to Puduhcherri or whatever it feels like. The Andaman & Nicobar Islands have many islets with English names; surely they had some colloquial names before the hated Britishers came along! Goddammit, find the names and replace them pronto, it’s a matter of national prestige.

What, you speak of globalization? What about my own state, my own people, my local language? Surely you must agree that by renaming the places and the streets after local heroes, in a localized tongue, I am paying homage to my people? What, you enquire of the support that the State provides to littérateurs of the Indian languages? Who cares of that? Besides, the people do not bother about such bourgeois proposals; they like to see something that they can feel everyday, in every walk of their life. Supporting writers and poets only means supporting the rich and the well-to-do, those who can afford to buy these books and spend time understanding them. What, you say that by supporting local writers, I could make their work affordable to the masses? Who cares for literature, especially local literature? Why do you think I am writing in English? The people crave to see progress, and this progress is manifested in their knowing English. But then, they don’t want to be accused of leaving behind their ancient cultures, so this renaming business. You satisfied, then?